Today is supposed to be a stormy day. Well, as of now (9:30 am) it's just a little gray outside. As I write this, a 56 year old aluminum trailer is making its way to me. I'm hoping it's not being pummeled by rain somewhere along the 5 freeway. The weather man has even predicted hail (?!) for Southern California. Really?? Hail??
This has been planned for a while, a day 8 years in the making. My Airstream is coming home. It's comforting, and I'm as eager as an expectant parent.
Pregnancy remains elusive. Life has been wonderful lately, it really has. My husband is thriving in his sobriety, now more than 4 months in. It's a new life for him. Even my stepdaughter seems to be doing well in her life a few states away, taking classes to become a medical assistant.
I'm ready to add to our family. I saw a new doctor yesterday to help us in the process. I left his office in tears that came unexpectedly. I'm so good at carrying stress, buried deep within. But it can make its way out at the most inopportune times. It felt good to get out of that office into the fresh air.
So my Airstream is my new project. I have an entire week off from work to get started.
I can't worry about life, I have to keep moving. A child will come. We may need to start the process to adopt, or we may need to begin saving for in vitro, There are options. In the meantime, I'm going to stay busy!
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Friday, October 26, 2012
Keeping On
A year has passed, and I haven't written. A lot takes place in one year... This is true with every one of us blessed to have life on this earth. Even when life seems unchanging, so much has in fact transpired. Our thoughts, our perspectives, our interactions with others- these things are not static, even when circumstances are... But of course, circumstances are pretty dynamic for most of us, too.
So at least a year has passed, and I haven't felt like writing, or maybe I just haven't had time. For the second time in my life, I've left nursing school. I don't regret it much.
My husband and I have been trying in earnest to start a family, and things have not been going as we would like. Such is life.
I've been seeing a fertility doctor, and everything has come back normal for me. Two days before my 37th birthday, I was scheduled for a diagnostic laparoscopy. The evening before the procedure, the doctor called to tell me my HCG was elevated... Surprise, you're pregnant, lap canceled. Yahoo!
It didn't "stick"- raising my suspicion that this has happened before... So my doctor did a workup for recurrent early pregnancy loss- a whole slew of interesting blood tests, and they came back normal.
Had the lap finally a month ago. It was normal. My doctor tells me, "You have a beautiful pelvis, there's no reason why you shouldn't get pregnant."
Meanwhile, my husband has had a few sperm analyses. One came back normal, two did not. He has sperm, but they're "tired"- they're just hanging out, not moving. The doctor recommends IVF with ICSI... No big deal, just a cool 10K+ per try, with a less than 50-50 shot for success each try. Reasonable odds, but quite a price tag.
My husband has made the colossal decision to give up alcohol, a daily presence in his life for decades. It's huge, life changing, and long overdue. He's been sober for more than 3 weeks now.
I have free time to write because he is in a program 3 evenings a week (for 5 more weeks). I have time alone.
Tomorrow my husband turns 52. We're both getting older. I'm finding more gray hair every day. I wonder sometimes if parenthood is really for me. Last weekend, I had a busy Saturday and canceled Sunday plans with my sister and niece. I told her later, "I've decided that I'm only going to do one activity per weekend." She responded, "Are you sure you want a child?? Because let me tell you, you can't have a child and only participate in only one activity per weekend!"
So I don't know.
Now that my husband is sober, I'm hoping his sperm will recover. I think they will, the question is how much time will it take? Sperm require 72 days to mature, so it will take at least that long...
Perhaps we'll conceive a child at Christmas time, and have a baby by the time I'm 38. Perhaps.
So at least a year has passed, and I haven't felt like writing, or maybe I just haven't had time. For the second time in my life, I've left nursing school. I don't regret it much.
My husband and I have been trying in earnest to start a family, and things have not been going as we would like. Such is life.
I've been seeing a fertility doctor, and everything has come back normal for me. Two days before my 37th birthday, I was scheduled for a diagnostic laparoscopy. The evening before the procedure, the doctor called to tell me my HCG was elevated... Surprise, you're pregnant, lap canceled. Yahoo!
It didn't "stick"- raising my suspicion that this has happened before... So my doctor did a workup for recurrent early pregnancy loss- a whole slew of interesting blood tests, and they came back normal.
Had the lap finally a month ago. It was normal. My doctor tells me, "You have a beautiful pelvis, there's no reason why you shouldn't get pregnant."
Meanwhile, my husband has had a few sperm analyses. One came back normal, two did not. He has sperm, but they're "tired"- they're just hanging out, not moving. The doctor recommends IVF with ICSI... No big deal, just a cool 10K+ per try, with a less than 50-50 shot for success each try. Reasonable odds, but quite a price tag.
My husband has made the colossal decision to give up alcohol, a daily presence in his life for decades. It's huge, life changing, and long overdue. He's been sober for more than 3 weeks now.
I have free time to write because he is in a program 3 evenings a week (for 5 more weeks). I have time alone.
Tomorrow my husband turns 52. We're both getting older. I'm finding more gray hair every day. I wonder sometimes if parenthood is really for me. Last weekend, I had a busy Saturday and canceled Sunday plans with my sister and niece. I told her later, "I've decided that I'm only going to do one activity per weekend." She responded, "Are you sure you want a child?? Because let me tell you, you can't have a child and only participate in only one activity per weekend!"
So I don't know.
Now that my husband is sober, I'm hoping his sperm will recover. I think they will, the question is how much time will it take? Sperm require 72 days to mature, so it will take at least that long...
Perhaps we'll conceive a child at Christmas time, and have a baby by the time I'm 38. Perhaps.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Blog Destruction and Reconstruction
I've decided that this blog has become too much an exercise in self-indulgence and self-important ramblings-on about nothing relevant... So I've taken all of my previous posts, bundled them up into a nice neat little package, and sent that package packing! I really enjoy indulging myself and writing about my life... But my postings didn't have much to do with unfinished projects. It was only relevant in the sense that working on improving myself is a project (more like a project and a half!)
So I'm starting over, and hopefully I'll stay on topic this time. Rather than simply trash my previous postings, I've given them a new home at a new blog, and something tells me I'll continue to indulge myself there. But this topic potentially has more relevance (at least for entities other than my id, ego, etc!), hence this is where I'd like to be devoting my attention. By writing about my DIY attempts, I'm potentially a source of information to others (if only as a case study in what not to do!). So here goes... The reinvention of my blog! As I sit here typing, the sun is suddenly bursting through my window following a gray, drizzly morning. Rebirth is everywhere!
So I'm starting over, and hopefully I'll stay on topic this time. Rather than simply trash my previous postings, I've given them a new home at a new blog, and something tells me I'll continue to indulge myself there. But this topic potentially has more relevance (at least for entities other than my id, ego, etc!), hence this is where I'd like to be devoting my attention. By writing about my DIY attempts, I'm potentially a source of information to others (if only as a case study in what not to do!). So here goes... The reinvention of my blog! As I sit here typing, the sun is suddenly bursting through my window following a gray, drizzly morning. Rebirth is everywhere!
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